This month, I went through something I never expected to experience: identity theft. A scareware pop-up on my laptop led me into the hands of scammers. They took control of my device and withdrew money fraudulently. (I’m currently working with Action Fraud and the bank to resolve it.)
Beyond the financial impact, the part that has stayed with me most is the feeling of being foolish, powerless, and caught off guard.
When Someone Else Steals Our Sense of Control
What I’ve been sitting with is the realisation that moments like this shake our identity—not just our finances. For a short while, I felt completely at the mercy of someone I had never met, who could cause harm with the click of a button. That loss of control was the true wound.
My pragmatic side reminds me:
- No one was physically hurt.
- This is a lesson I won’t forget.
- Trust shouldn’t be given automatically to anyone who sounds like they’re in authority.
- Decisions should never be made in panic.
How Power Dynamics Shape Our Sense of Self
I’m reading Braving the Wilderness by Brené Brown, and she explores the idea of power being used either to control or to connect. When power is used against us, we can become disconnected from others and from ourselves. Experiences like this can make us feel isolated, ashamed, or “othered”.
Every Friday on YouTube, I’m reading a chapter from Braving the Wilderness.
We’re exploring loneliness, belonging, and connection—and I’d love you to join in.
Chapter 1 is here: https://youtu.be/kZJihD4xs1k?si=sqdoSNFkRvkRx3o1
What I’m learning is that while others can harm us through their choices, how we respond remains ours to own.
Am I a Victim?
Action Fraud labels me as one—and in that context, yes.
But in my wider life? I don’t see myself that way.
I was naïve. I was overly trusting. I assumed authority meant safety.
Lesson learnt: trust, but with integrity and discernment.
Moving Forward Without Fear
To stay grounded, I try to remember that scammers make choices shaped by their own circumstances—choices I don’t have to mirror. What brings fulfilment is not fear or suspicion, but living within a shared humanity. Empowering others. Connecting meaningfully. Staying aligned to what matters.
3 Steps to Build Resilience When the World Knocks You Down
1. Own Your Narrative
Victimhood steals our voice. Reclaim it.
This isn’t about dismissing pain—it’s about refusing to be defined by it.
Ask yourself:
What can I learn? Who do I want to become through this?
2. Question False Authority
I trusted someone because they sounded official.
We do this in life all the time.
Your inner authority matters most.
Take time. Ask questions. Trust with discernment.
3. Reconnect With Empowering Community
Shame thrives in isolation.
Resilience grows through connection.
As Brené Brown reminds us:
True belonging doesn’t require us to change who we are—it requires us to be who we are.
Sharing this story reminded me of that truth.
The Choice to Rebuild—Again
Am I angry at the scammer?
Not really.
Their actions reflect their own values and circumstances—not mine.
I refuse to let their choices shape who I become.
Empathy is strength.
Clarity is strength.
And so is saying:
“That was not okay—but I’m okay.”
If you’ve been through something recently—or long ago—that made you question your worth or power, let me remind you:
You can choose resilience.
An Invitation to Rise
If this story feels familiar…
If you’ve been stuck in patterns where others seem to hold the power…
If you’ve forgotten how to trust yourself…
You don’t need to navigate it alone.
I know what it’s like to feel lost or small.
I also know what it’s like to rise again—with support, clarity, and confidence.
Book a clarity call today, and let’s explore how you can build a life where you belong fully to yourself again.
Free Workshop: Fear of Rejection Reset
If rejection hits you deeply—or you fear it before it even happens—I’m running a free workshop to help you understand rejection sensitivity and rewrite the story you tell yourself.
Join me on 17th or 19th December
A compassionate space where we’ll explore:
- why rejection feels so painful
- how to build resilience
- how to set boundaries
- how to reconnect confidently with others
Book here: https://carrie-dubber-confidence.kit.com/cbcf4d3cc3
