This is my monthly blog where I talk with someone who has gone through a bad time, a significant change or difficult decision. I wanted a space so that people can share their experience and hopefully pass on some of the learning from this, in order to help others.

What I know from the work I do with people is that finding meaning from the chaos and feeling like what you do matters and helps you navigate the difficulties you face.

Feeling like what you do makes a difference can alter what initially feels like total devastation into something transformational.

I will be using the same framework of questions each month, and hopefully reading this you will gain some insights or think about your own perspective of change in an open or new way.

This blog focuses on the impact of living with Long COVID and how being in therapy helped..

 

Introducing a Medic..

Let me introduce you to the medic I have been working with at various stages through lockdown up to now.

He has Long COVID and started noticing the symptoms of the virus during the first wave in March 2020.

This has been a long and often painful journey and he has become an expert in understanding the virus and treatment options.

I am not an expert in COVID-19 and my role as a therapist has been to help him change the narrative about himself and also learn the strategies that help him psychologically deal with uncertainty and the future.

 

What Life event or situation have you faced?

Working as a doctor in the NHS during a pandemic.

Becoming seriously ill after acquiring COVID-19 twice then sustaining a vaccine injury.

I had been told I may have to be medically retired as I had significant brain inflammation which was not thought to be reversible. Some specialist colleagues tried to put my significant organic pathology down to deconditioning and anxiety.

This was so hard to deal with.

 

What was the impact on your life as you lived it?

At times I was unable to cognitively function due to my brain inflammation, a low point was when I had to wear incontinence pads as my brain and nervous system were messed up after COVID.

 

What was the impact on your identity?

When we are ill and have things beyond our control, we often yearn for those who may not be with us anymore.

For me, that has been my Mother and the prolonged grief exacerbated by my illness has been challenging to deal with.

I also suffered significant PTSD from working in the pandemic and the loss of my Mother.

 

What support did you have?

Carrie was recommended to me by a work colleague who was struggling with the toll of being an NHS worker too and had found her to be brilliant. My funded sessions through Practitioner Health ended but I have been able to see Carrie privately since.

Through my own research and joining medic support groups, I managed to seek out specialist treatment abroad which resolved the brain inflammation but left me significantly affected post COVID.

Are there any lessons to be learnt from this situation?

Despite being at a significantly low point in my life, I learned to use what energy I had and trust my judgment despite what others opined to seek out treatment and not be despondent when my UK colleagues were not up to date with international developments.

Had I not taken this risk of going abroad for the treatment, my brain issues would not have resolved and I would have been medically retired. I learned that sometimes taking the unpopular (by others) option which involves going into uncertainty was, for me anyway, something I had to do which I ordinarily would not have done as I tend to work by strong evidence based and defined logic. Thankfully I had Carrie to help me balance things out.

I managed to reframe the situation and educate at least one colleague into seeing that post viral syndromes exist so as not to pigeon hole such individuals into being labelled as having a ‘functional disorder’ category while ignoring their organic pathology because they did not understand it at the time.

Now I have been involved in international research which is bringing forward significant developments.

 

What did you need that you didn’t have at the time?

I needed understanding medical colleagues who would work with me and newly emerging evidence; to understand that guidelines are not tram lines and there is manoeuvrability in treatment options if they are discussed and the pros and cons understood.

I needed to be listened to by them but instead felt gaslighted – as many with post viral syndromes can feel.

 

What advice would you think helpful to pass on?

Some people may not need a therapist. I know that I have needed one and it is nothing to be ashamed of. We all have our own coping mechanisms and stresses. Sometimes we need a crutch to be able to move forward.

I wish I had

met Carrie years ago but am so grateful she has helped me for the last few years. I hope to continue seeing Carrie and continue to build my strength and emotional resilience. To see me at work you’d probably never guess all this stuff was going on but you don’t need to be at crisis point and show it externally to ask for help. It doesn’t mean you’re weak. I see it as a strength to be able to recognise that one might need some support.

Please don’t struggle. Find help in a way which suits you. For me it has been finding Carrie – without whom I’d have really struggled.

 

How do you see yourself now and in the future?

Carrie has stabilised my situation significantly through EMDR for PTSD and also Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) – the latter recognises what we cannot change, identifies our values and helps us understand our goals and limitations. CBT did not previously work for me when I had tried it with another therapist but Carrie introducing me to ACT has been a blessing.

She carefully assessed me and suggested it whereas beforehand with a previous therapist, it just seemed like chatting and getting more upset after each session.

This is far from what I have felt after meeting with Carrie who has filled me with hope, inspiration and calmness.

For the future there are still challenges ahead – redeployment at work, potentially losing my job and the moral injury of being ill while the pandemic continues have been a significant stressors.