This is my monthly blog where I talk with someone who has gone through a bad time, a significant change or difficult decision. I wanted a space so that people can share their experience and hopefully pass on some of the learning from this, in order to help others.
What I know from the work I do with people is that finding meaning from the chaos and feeling like what you do matters or makes a difference can alter what initially feels like total devastation into something transformational. Hopefully, by reading this, you will gain some insights or think about your own perspective of change in an open or new way.
What life event or situation have you faced?
I had to recently say goodbye to a very much loved pet called Oscar Cracker. He was a huge part of our lives as he had been with us for over 16 years.
What was the impact on your life as you lived it?
We knew that the day would come when we’d have to say goodbye, but it was always hard to face it and we would push it to the back of our minds.
On the day it happened, we knew that he was unwell. He was vomiting and it broke my heart to see him like that. The vet had no space that day but prescribed anti-sickness pills. However, he couldn’t keep these down.
At the end of that day my partner came home from work and I said we have to go to the vets. We both looked at each other and just knew what was going to happen. We didn’t need a big discussion — it was just a feeling. We knew that we were going to take him and this time he wasn’t coming home.
I was upset and tearful, sobbing in the car. By the time my partner carried Oscar into the vets he had become flat. We were both clear then that the time had come — there were no more options. If we kept him alive that day, to what end?
What was the impact on you?
I was incredibly tearful and upset, but a part of me was, bizarrely, at peace with the decision. I think it’s because we had faced a similar decision the year before and felt he was still wanting to live, and we did have another good year with him.
Are there any lessons to be learnt from this?
I felt incredibly sad, but I knew it wasn’t about me anymore — it was about him. Oscar decided it was time that day. Although we took him and signed the papers for euthanasia, he was ready and we felt that. Knowing he was at peace helped me to feel at peace with the decision.
I can look back on the years we had together and all that he gave me and us as a family. He was forever at my side, loving with unconditional love. He gave so much, and in return we loved him.
What advice would you think helpful to pass on?
To have a pet is one of the most life-changing things you’ll ever do. Having them there as your constant gives you a lot of joy as well as responsibility. Having a dog gives you a purpose — they are dependent on you — but what we know from having him is that we were dependent on him too.
Having him and then having to say goodbye would never negate those feelings of love for all those years. I had him in my life for 16½ years, and yes we had to decide to say goodbye, but the love far outweighs the pain of losing him. The pain comes from the love.
If you have an elderly pet who is unwell, my advice would be — don’t mull over it for too long. If you think it is time, then act on it. If you think about it too long it becomes harder, and delaying the inevitable ultimately means prolonging their pain and suffering as well as your own.
As humans, the greatest gift we have is to say goodbye with dignity and respect.
